Tuesday, September 29, 2015

How many times can your heart discover new love

You think... here we go... here is the beginning of another relationship. I know on the surface I tell myself that I will give it my all, but nothing can smother that feeling inside saying, you know you'll never be able to give everything, because all of you is scattered between the last ones who had your heart.

It was month number one when he told me he loved me. It was like my skin was rubber and the meaning of the words bounced right off of me. I took them at face value. This guy was enamored with the idea of loving me. It was too soon. He couldn't have seriously fallen that fast. The months went on and he discussed marriage and having more kids and moving. MOVING. That struck a chord.

I had already moved. Left everything I had loved and known and worked for behind and moved to my small home town of North Platte, NE for the wrong one. It was a disaster. An abusive, unhappy, depressing disaster. NOW faced with the idea of doing that all over again sent my anxiety into full panic mode... and all of the real feelings began rushing in. He really did love me. He was serious and it was about damn time that I woke up from whatever depressed melodramatic dream world I was living in. The fear shook me alive.

I turned the idea over in my mind. Could this be the man I marry? I put forth an actual effort in the relationship and found that I really, truly did enjoy his company. He was funny, smart, articulate and very handsome. The idea of a future with him wasn't terrifying at all. It felt like I had actually picked a good one this time. It felt like coming home... But I wouldn't move.

You know someone loves you when they would put your happiness over theirs, even if it means that things would not be convenient for them. This kind, gentle man and I compromised on moving and met in the middle. We have plans. For once they are plans that we are both happy and excited about and not plans that involve me changing everything about my life to fit the mold of someone else's. My happiness has grown from a place I thought nothing good would come out of. All of the pieces of me that I have left with other people have come back to me. I am whole and with him I am home.

Your past loves don't get to control your future. They were let go for good reason & letting them back in would be damaging. You have to remember that you are whole without the acceptance of other people. They didn't fit in your life, no matter how badly they wanted you to stay in theirs. and that is OK.

Monday, June 17, 2013

You are handed a different life:

I truly believe that at any point in time you can completely change your life. You can go out and get a different job that will bring different friends and a different environment.

You can let go of someone who meant the world to you because you decide that your world is better with out them in it... and everything changes.

If you dwell in a negative space your world will only get darker and darker. If your life with someone seemed so small and felt like it completely opened up when you let them go -- I find that to be a clear sign that you are on the right path.

I'm struggling currently with keeping the light in my life. I need to see the positive in every situation. I believe I am well on my way, but there is a lot of work to be done. Personal growth is the richest kind- I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and learn in this life.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Get Happy!

My New Years Resolution came later this year...

The basic jist of it: GET HAPPY!

I am a happy person in general... Usually all of the time. Not annoyingly happy, but just happy enough so that people never feel awkward around me.
There is nothing that I find more annoying than awkward people -OR- people that complain about being tired or unhappy all the time.
I haven't had the best of luck finding a job in my field after college. Although instead of getting incredibly down about that- I have made the best of the well-paying job I am fortunate to have. I apply for jobs that I think I am qualified through college for every day. I keep faith that one of them will workout for me.

I always dreampt of moving to Chicago after college- I fell in love 2 years ago with someone who has another year and a half of school left, and am therefore stuck in my current college city a little longer than expected. So I make plans and talk about dreams with him of moving and the life we are going to have.

My point: I have plenty of things that I could be upset about, but I change those into positive things to be excited about in the future. Why spend days mad? Those are beautiful days that you are wasting.

I'm always amazed when girls hold on to bad relationships because they're so terrified of not finding someone else... Life's not THAT short ladies. Why spend a minute being unhappy when you can get out there and find what you really want. All of my relationships have gotten better and better as I've gotten older.

So today's thought is just to be happy. People will want to be around you. More people will ask you to do things with them because you're a positive person. Also, you will attract more people to you if you are happy and in return this will keep you positive. So Stop. Look at your Life. And realize that you have no REAL reason to be so upset. Anything going wrong in your life is nothing that you don't know how to change. It's, WILL you change it?